The 9 to 5 Grind
By: K. A. Maxwell
“Ooooookay, Ms. Sir-ass. Stand up straight and look into the camera, good. Wait for the flash.”
Chloe winced, and her eyelids trembled.
“This is just a photo, relax Ms. Sir-ass,” said Zulmel.
“It’s Cere—“ Click.
“You blinked.”
Chloe growled.
“Do you need help staying still Ms. Sir-ass?” Zulmel raised his fingers.
“No, thank you. I can do this, see?” Chloe snapped both arms in-front of her and stood up straight, giving a solid, confident and professional pose.
“That looks good, hold still.”
A blonde-haired woman with large ears on the top of her head peeked inside the door behind him, sniffing. “There you are, Lil’ Greenie.” Click.
“You looked away,” said Zulmel.
Melinda Calanke bent under the door frame and slid her towering, tan-furred figure inside the room. “Posing for your mugshot, ain’t ya?”
“You are not allowed in here,” said Zulmel.
“Zully, come on, y’all know I’m never one for trouble.”
“Lies.”
“Since Hilda isn’t here, I’m here on her behalf to validate Chloe.”
“The paperwork is already on the desk outside and please do not play with the blank ID cards.”
Melinda’s tail brushed across the pile of blank security ID cards that sat on a counter next to Zulmel before wrapping around her waist. “Y’all worry too much.” Her golden, slit-pupil eyes beamed at Chloe with admiration and anticipation.
“Ms. Sir-ass, let’s try this again. Stand up straight, look at the camera and wait for the flash.”
Chloe did as she was told and waited for the flash. Melinda leaned forward from behind Zulmel. Click.
“There we go,” said Melinda.
“Peculiar. It has blonde streaks in it,” said Zulmel.
“Maybe your camera’s busted, probably should get it checked.”
“No, it’s your whiskers.”
“It is?” She leaned back and looked at the screen. “Well, I’ll be, it is.”
Zulmel turned to look at Melinda and kept a stoic face. “Out.”
“Aww c’mon, Zully, I didn’t mean to make things rough. Tell ya what, how ’bout I pitch in for an extra couple donuts at the next coffee break meet?”
“Good idea, out.”
Zulmel raised his fingers and a pink glow appeared around Melinda’s shoulders, ushering her out.
“Hey, that deal was contingent on the treatment of the donut donor, ow, watch the door.”
“Ms. Sir-ass?” said Zulmel.
Chloe looked forward, mouth open, “Y—“ Click.
“We’re done. Come with me.”
At the security desk, Melinda handed the forms to Zulmel. He took the papers in his hands and sat reviewing them. Melinda eyed Chloe’s GVU Career bag, whose handles were as high as Chloe’s waist.
“Is that what they give people at onboarding nowadays?” said Melinda.
“Apparently only directors get these bags,” said Chloe.
“Almost makes me want to hunt around HR for one.” She bent down and reached for the handle and pulled. The bag barely moved an inch. “Dang, it’s like they packed a month’s worth of groceries in there.”
Stamped with the GVU logo on top of a pattern of stripes in shades of green, it was dubbed the “customized for your career growth” bag that they gave all new employees, though for Chloe’s position they made this one a bit more special. She pulled out a round container about the size of a mixing bowl, and when she opened it, the scent made her swoon. It was reminiscent of the early days of her childhood growing up in the ground where the soil was well taken care of and her parents would spoil the seedlings with thick and rich compost. It was dark brown in color, fine in texture, and had the consistency of thick pudding. She stuck a finger in the bowl and tasted it.
“Mmm! It tastes great, and it’s really healthy. Whatever this is, it has pure raw materials in it.”
Chloe turned to Melinda, who had her hands on her face.
“Gawd Chloe, cover it up, cover it up,” she coughed. Zulmel also had his hands on his face and soon, people around them began fanning their faces and coughing.
When she placed the lid back on the bowl, the mass exhalation of air passed around her body. Zulmel stood up and Chloe’s new security pass floated toward her.
“You’re good. Please, go now, thank you,” he said.
The photo of Chloe was a shoulder shot with her mouth open in her lips in an ‘O’ shape like a pet fish.
“But, the photo is...”
“Leave and have a good day.” Zulmel’s telekinesis surrounded the bag and the shoulders of Chloe and Melinda and ushered them away from the security desk. Afterward, he sat back and floated a book in front of his face.
“What the heck was that? Did they give you crap?” asked Melinda.
“No,” said Chloe. “They treated me really well in onboarding.”
“Not what I meant.” Melinda coughed.
As they walked on the path toward the exits, people who had been taking their coffee breaks now had their hands over their noses or fanned away the lingering scent while a couple janitors who were mopping the marble floor had their cheeks puffed out as they rummaged through their carts for masks.
“I guess it’s been a while since I ate compost this strong,” said Chloe sheepishly.
“You don’t get an upset stomach after eating that stuff?” asked Melinda.
“It’s high quality. Definitely no chemicals or pesticides in there.”
They left the building through a set of tall glass doors that led back to the emerald path and turned left toward a garden of trees with neatly trimmed clover on the ground. The clover lawn danced with radiance as the calm winds brushed through their stalks. Chloe stopped and brushed her hand through some of the plants. A rush of warmth made her stand up straight and gasp in awe.
“Whew, fresh air,” said Melinda. “I had wondered if it was kinda unusual for them to be moving like that.”
“Not really,” replied Chloe. “They’re very happy. They love the attention they’re getting. Which reminds me, did you and Hilda write up that stuff about me for the onboarding? The Market Maiden stuff?”
“They loved that, didn’t they? It’s one of those nice gems that people don’t know, right?” said Melinda, standing up straight. Her towering, tan-furred, hourglass figure was dressed in a pair of long gray pants and a blazer that hid a v-neck light-brown shirt. She didn’t wear any shoes today, so she walked with only her bare digitigrade paws with claws on end. “Prrroow. Can’t wait ‘till we actually get to show our heroics. I think we still got it.”
Chloe groaned and brushed away streams of brown hair before placing a couple fingers on her brow spikes. “It was embarrassing, Lin!” She craned her neck so her gaze directly pierced through Melinda’s golden eyes.
“I couldn’t take it and had to run out to calm myself,” said Chloe.
“Hey now, I had no idea you were that sensitive about it,” said Melinda. “We didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.”
Chloe reached and grabbed her bag, stomping past Melinda before stopping and sighed. “It was just that we did really risky things back then, just for assignment marks and... never mind. Can we just get some coffee so I get my mind off this?”
Melinda led Chloe down another trail that headed east from the main building toward a group of smaller ones. “You shouldn’t work that hard today. It’s a happy day and I’m proud to have ya here.”
“Also, did you actually break people’s bones while on the job here?”
“No, of course not. I mean, I might have moments with some bad guys here and there. But you know everyone has to take care of the campus, right? Who’d even suggest I would do such a thing?”
“Apparently, you’re famous.”
“I was in the top five for sales in the company the past seven years.”
“And how was security?”
“Down thirty-eight percent since I upped my walks. As a bonus, I get into regular skirmishes with my long-term rival.”
Chloe frowned. “You have a rival?”
“Every hero has a rival. Remember Felina? Felina Gatti?”
Chloe thought about it for a moment and shook her head.
“You don’t remember her? She’s someone like me, but much shorter, black and brown mane with a chip on her shoulder. She had scrapes with the law a couple times. Used to train in my dojo.”
“I don’t think I’ve met her.”
“She works here as a lieutenant now. She really cleaned her act up since back then but we still race to see who gets to the bad guy first on campus.”
“You mean you still arrest people without clearance from campus security?”
“A crime is a crime.”
Chloe huffed and shook her head.
“What? It helps keep the workplace safe and me in shape. People our age have to take better care of their health, right?” said Melinda. “Besides, ain’t it better to have bone-breakin’ Lin save you from the clutches of evil jobless monsters?”
Melinda was right. After being let go from Puracorp, Chloe had hunted through the job ads on-line for three months without any results. It was only when she had a chance conversation over lunch with her that things changed. The giant bag alone was far more than what Puracorp gave on Chloe’s first day, and Alina’s and Bridget’s reaction to her… sensitivities was more positive than she’d imagined.
“Chloe, I will guarantee that it won’t be like the stuff that happened at Puracorp,” Melinda declared. “I won’t let you get in a tight spot if I can prevent it, all right?”
“All right. Though I bet you earned a referral bonus from me being hired, Ms. Director of Sales.”
Melinda bit her lip. Of course, she’d earned that bonus.
As they neared the front of Building 770, they walked on a lawn with long, wild streaks of light green grass from the ground with patches of fuzz with the odd dandelion plant in random places. It wasn’t as lush, beautiful or sustainable as the other lawns, but the grass did not show much worse for wear, considering its lack of care.
“This is it?” asked Chloe.
“Yup! Welcome to the future headquarters of Macmor where we deal with the monsters of—“ Bump.
Chloe looked up at Melinda’s head, which pressed against the top of the doorway.
“You okay?” Chloe giggled.
“Ouch, this ain’t how Ms. Dealbreaker is supposed to make her entrance.” She flashed a fang-filled smile and laughed. “I swear Chloe, when they’re done with this place, I’m gonna tear it all down again starting with these doors!”
Building 770 was not part of the modern family of buildings that towered on campus. Instead, it was a low-rise office building, five stories tall with simple, square windows and straight lines. Inside, Chloe and Melinda arrived at what was supposed to be the reception area. A few of the pot lamp fixtures drooped from the ceiling unlit and lost their shine from the gathered dust and rust. The burgundy coloured carpeting had better days, with its fibers bunched up in tiny pill shapes. Chloe reached down and pulled one out, spotting the micro-tangles of carpet fiber, hair, and dust. Farther ahead, the reception table with its cracked stone base and wooden table top sat next to the hallway opening. Melinda lifted her tail-tip to dust away a panel that displayed the listing of each department in the building, though it only had one entry: “Internal Accounting” with no floor number.
